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lundi 18 juin 2012

My bath with a baby whale

We always dreamed of swimming with dolphins. I was able to swim with baby whale.

These exceptional circumstances have occurred during one of these software’s users conferences where the topic is less to see the news that give users the opportunity to have fun for a few days. The will of the inviting company is to get customers to buy more modules or programs. For participants, what is important is "At what time is lunch?" and what attractions are planned in the evenings. Thus the busy commercial are trying to introduce the latest  functionalities in the optimization of vehicle schedule while the client watches the waitress’ bottom.
In this kind of convention where there are more than a dozen nationalities, the French are notably absent. We are a nation of serious people who don’t participate in trivia events even if it can give yje opportunity to see that there are effective solutions elsewhere. Of course, the language barrier is also not an issue since everyone knows that the French are multilingual.

So I was in Hamburg for the European Users Conference of one of my clients, a global leader in IT solutions for public transport.

The seminar venue is a large hotel on the outskirts of the city, with a golf course, swimming pool, relaxation area, spa and saunas.
Already the day before the beginning, much of the technical team is hard at work to establish no fewer than thirty computers, servers and Internet connections because many demonstration sites are sometimes in the USA .
Festival-goers (because for some it is a festival) come next, with most in the morning. Each receives a badge held by a collar of color. The color codes are: white language = German English = green, red = Scandinavian black = staff (I have a black collar).

If you want to do a statistical analysis of the physiology of the participants, we can quickly draw up a report. White collars have a tendency to be overweight (it's called understatement). The red collars are rather slender but not all blond. The green collars are rather mixed. In the staff, the girth follows the nationality.

The sequence of days is very simple. Breakfast can be gargantuan because you can make a complete meal. I noticed that the Danes eat cheese for breakfast. I have not tested and does not seek to do kiss but the taste of cheese/coffee must be particular. This method can replace the cold shower.
After breakfast it's pre-conference snacks (salty or sweet). 45 min Conference (which starts on time and ends at time). Inter-conference snacks. 45 minutes of lecture. Inter-conference snacks. 45 minutes of lecture. Lunch. Coffee and return to conference cycle / snacks. Just writing it makes me gain a few grams.
Impossible to follow this diet for a healthy body, is scrupulously respected by white collars As a result, the proliferation of tufts and the creation of the famous buoy which, for some, is closer to that of truck tire than an inner tube of bike.

Meanwhile, I continue to cultivate my beautiful body enjoying the pool. This is not very large but you can take a dip if taken on the diagonal. For me, it's 3 arm strokes. So I'm constantly tumbling in what is good for breath. The idea is not to make a full session but to stir a half hour.
On Monday, the pool is empty and I do my little business quietly.
On Wednesday, it is crowded. At least three swimmers. One of them has a strong overweight without being obese: this is my baby whale. He does not swim horizontally but vertically. In fact, he waved his arms on the surface and backpedal underwater.
Archimedes’thrust and Brownian motion (which has nothing to do with abuse of brownies) do the rest. The problem is that it behaves like a drifter and his speed is inversely proportional with its roundness. This is a moving obstacle around which to maneuver. Passing near raises ripples like the effect of passage of a speedboat next to a boat. The baby whale back-pedals feverishly and waves his little arms. But he inescapably drift towards the edge. Come close to it, it does not lean on the edge but turns on itself to start again drifting into the other direction. The cry of the baby whale is closer to the blast of a steam engine as the song of the whale. After 10 minutes, it leaves the water, exhausted.

To recover, we go to the sauna which is mixed and ... nudist. Be aware that a sauna up to 8 people can only  take only half of this number if you consider the size of the occupants. As I sat, I noticed that the seat slats are broken in half which is not surprising because the average weight they have to bear is close to 150 kg. After my 15 minutes of sweating regulatory, I say goodbye to my Baby whale. This went on his way to the nearest buffet of snacks pre or post conference.

In this post, no animal has suffered abuse or were injured. We apologize to baby whale that could have been hurt to have been compared to humans.

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